Thursday, June 1, 2017

Writer’s Workshop: Go Stand In The Corner

I have drawn a complete blank on the prompts for this week’s Writer’s Workshop. I had a feeling that would happen.

(Now see, I could end this post right there… but I won’t…)

So, this week, I’m taking a prompt from last week and identifying eight persons, places, or things I’d really like to give a timeout to.

Bryce Harper. I get it, Bryce, you’re super-talented and don’t appreciate having a baseball thrown at you, but did you ever think why Hunter Strickland is throwing at you? You hit two home runs off him the last time you saw him. You should expect him to be less than cordial the next time you see him. Go stand in the corner.

Hunter Strickland. You should know better. Go stand in the opposite corner.

MeTV. You changed your Atlanta affiliate to a station that doesn’t broadcast in the Atlanta area. Duh. I know you can be seen on DirecTV and Comcast, but I speak for many over-the-air viewers who live in the Atlanta area who don’t want to pay the exorbitant rates they charge. Go stand in the corner and figure out how you’re going to get viewers like us back from Cozi TV when you do find a local affiliate.

AccuWeather. When you tell me it’s raining, it’s sunny, and when you tell me it’s sunny, it’s pouring rain. Go stand in the corner and hire some real meteorologists.

Major League Baseball. There are only three times a year we should see American League teams play National League teams: Spring Training, the All-Star Game, and the World Series. Add a team to each league, split each league into two divisions, and get rid of interleague play. And that’s just for starters. Go stand in the corner and figure out what else chaps my backside. There’s a lot more where that came from.

Cable News Stations. A pox on all of your houses. You are everything that’s wrong with TV news. Go stand in the corner and please just go away.

The Federal Trade Commission. If you’re not going to enforce the anti-trust laws, you have no reason to exist. There are about six companies that own all the radio and TV stations and all the newspapers. Where once there were fifty airlines, there are now five. What are you people doing, playing Candy Crush and downloading porn all day? Go stand in the corner and decide whether or not the law means anything.

Congress. There are three branches of government, and you’re the one that’s responsible for writing the laws of this country. If you don’t like the law, change it. Don’t rely on executive orders or Supreme Court decisions to do it for you. Oh, and all the regulations the unelected bureaucrats come up with? You’re supposed to debate them before giving your approval. We’re not paying you almost $200,000 a year to act as a rubber stamp. A rubber stamp costs about $5 and the ink about $2. You can be replaced. And all of you who have been in office more than twenty years? It’s time to go. Go stand in the corner and re-read Article 1 of the Constitution you promised to preserve, uphold, and defend. Or read it for the first time, because I’m sure some of you haven’t.

There. I feel better.

from The Sound of One Hand Typing

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